message from marquetta
Anniversary Announcement

Do You Hate Your Hair?

Written by Marquetta Breslin

Do you hate your hair? For many years, I hated my natural hair. I was embarrassed to be seen in public without some sort of weave in my hair. In this video, I tell you about my experiences with wearing my natural hair vs wearing a weave. This is a subject I’ve never talked to anyone about.

Let me know how you feel about your hair. I’d love to hear what you have to say!

http://s3.amazonaws.com/MarquettaBreslin/episode4.flv
← Older Comments
  • http://blackpain.wordpress.com Queen Candace

    The reason why I wear wigs is because it is natural to me for this nappy unmanageable hair is ot it is a reflection of the curse of disobedience . I know I must change more than my hair and I am working on it. Return back to God and he will return back to you

  • Marlene

    Hi
    My name is Marlene. I'm so happy that this topic has been brought up. Living and growing up in Africa has not been a bother. But now as I'm older, having my Natural hair is a bit disturbing. The reason for this is that my hair is very soft, it is so empty on my head and i really do not like the round shape of my head. thats why i prefere to either have braids or a weave on.

  • sherifat

    Thank you for the response. I am having a time with my husband. My hair has been natural for 6 year, I have been wearing weaves, lace wig and braid. I figure I would drive him crazy with the wigs and he will then appreciate my choice in style. (Sister locks) I call them small permenant braids. Wish me luck.

  • Patsy

    I like the video. I like my perm hair and I like natural look. My Husband doesn't mind either way, because he love me no matter what I choose, and that's what count.

  • Stella

    Hi Marquetta, Nice Hair! I have nice natrual hair, when relaxed its out of this world, My problem is getting it to sit/behave? Also the good old British weather does not help, Am more annoyed with it than embarrassed. Its weaves r us for this babe.

  • venia

    I love my hair but it is just hard to deal with when working or just outside enjoying myself because it is hit all yesr round and when I wear my hair out and I sweat it frizzes up because it is humid also. I just pull it back in a poneytail or put a poneytail in. Wearing a weave in Miami seems to me to be irratating because of the heat. The women down here are use to it but not me I'm originally from Portsmouth,VA.

  • dorothyjackson

    Dear Marquetta:
    You have beautiful hair, as for me I am not ashamed of mine just do not know what to do with it, so following the instruction of one of your video on kinky twist, that is how I wear my hear all the time.

    I made wigs but living in hot Florida, I cannot stand the wig or a weave and I promised myself I will not put a relaxer in my hair anymore because it was damaged before.

    Keep up the good work.

    Dorothy

  • swirl

    I do not hate my hair. Although I used to wish I had long silky hair when I was a kid, I have long since forgot about such a thing. Especially once weaving/braiding could make that very thing happen. Three years ago I decided to go truly natural, no relaxer/texlaxer. I started wearing weaves, wigs and braids to get me through growing out the relaxer and short cut. I do not refer to my hair as NAPPY but EXTREMELY CURLY, because it is. I am not ashamed of my lovely locks.

  • Geordi

    I'm not ashamed of my hair…. i just don't like it at all. I feel like i can only wear it one way and I really don't even like it that way. It broke off really badly so I hate looking at the back of it so mauch that I literally start to cry when I look at it. And I'm not allowed to get a weave b/c i'm only 14 and my mom will not let me :(

  • LadyCop99

    I wan't to wear my natural hair. I can relate to everything that you said about the way you feel about your hair without your weave.I have been wearing braids and/or weaves for about 15 years without a break. Funny, my husband prefers me without it but tells me to do whatever is comfortable. It is a Catch 22 sometimes. Just look at the videos and magazines featuring Black women. We are taught that this is the only way to be attractive and then when you weave your hair some people have unflattering comments. It's o.k. for a woman of ANY other race to get a weave and no one cares about it not to mention men with hair plugs. When I see a Black woman with her natural hair especially short and afro texture, I envy her because of her confidence. Everytime I take my hair down I tell myself this will be the time I go natural. Then I take a look around me and almost feel pressured to put the hair back in. In the end it is me who needs to be comfortable with me. I am so glad you made this video. You do look very pretty without your weave.Maybe next time will actually be the time for me to go natural for a bit….

  • Leslie Newton

    Up until I had my hysterectomy in 2001 my hair was full and manageable. I wore hair piecies only to enhance my look. After my surgery I noticed my hair went through a drastic change. It became very thin and brittle. No amount of conditioning, vitamins, herbs, etc. made a difference. That is when I discovered hair bonding. I collected videos and watched hours of tapes on various techniques. A black woman living in Tucson, AZ I found limited resources for appropriate hair care products for my type of hair. I began ordering supplies and purchasing hair. I began perfecting the art of hir bonding and found it funt to be able to change the color and style of my hair whenever I wanted. Blending colors together for my own look was exciting. Married for 39 years I always am looking for ways to keep my husband surprised with a new style. I tend to stay with the wavy to curly hair as it requires less maintenence and my styles usually last about 2 1/2 months. I usually spend $300 on hair and supplies which is quite a savings when I compare what I would spend in a salon. I always receive complements on my look and have even made a few dollars on the side bonding hair of someone who wants a new look.

  • Kimberly Smith

    I have to say my hair doesnt make me I am actually going through a transition from relax hair . I rather natural hair than relax hair but if a person feels better about them selves because they have a weave then hey that's them. Don't get me wrong as a kid I use to wear braids alot cause I hated how thick my hair is but now as I am an adult I learned that you have to feel comfortable enough to wear your hair natural

  • Tengee

    Hi Marquetta, first of all let me thank you for all the helpful information about hair/hair weaves. No I don't hate my real hair although I do prefer to wear hair weaves, my real hair is short so that means I have to hot curl it everyday and I know all that heat can't be good for your hair so I'll just wear weave instead.

    “Oh”, and it's more convenient also..

  • mofromdabk

    Hey Girl!
    I am glad that you brought up this topic. I often wear my hair in its natural state. It doesnt bother me, BUT it always seems to bother other sisters. As soon as they see my kinky hair the first stupid thing that comes out of their mouth is “Girl you NEED a relaxer”. I confidently say NO! I have been relaxer free since the mid-90's, especially since I can braid my own hair. I refuse to put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. Now I have to put up with those same ignorant statement/comments. Now that more and more sistas and brothas are wearing braids & locs I feel proud to wear my hair in its natural state.
    I am NAPPY & HAPPY FOREVER. :-D

  • Tonia Whaley

    that was a great video. My neighbors most of the women have weave and wigs on . My Mother in law she cant weave no more because back in the day she would use too much relaxer and poor thing , I can only curl a little in the back and sides. Me I really like versatility and the different looks you can do even add different colors. You know lots of white women,models and men do”hair extensions” to me its just another way of saying weave …lol…

  • Coco B

    If I do wear a weave i usually wear it curly, that's usually once a year. I'm lucky to have nice hair
    I have always had nice hair. If a person wants to wear a weave thats fine, just take care of what you have.

    We are lucky to be able to have all kinds of different looks and colors of hair. I am all for it just take care of what you got.

  • Hanna

    Hello, im also coming to share my hair feelings here.lol. As a white woman i have one different issue from Marguetta which is that my hair is thin. Even when i have extra hair, longer, thick shiny extencion hair on my own hair cant cover it very well. Or atleast as well as i would wish. So im even dreamin of havin a lace front. I do feel prettier and brighter when i have my hair done, braided or very well covered. Cant walk out with my natural hair =) too bad but thats whats up. There should be like some decent hair money support for each month for each woman who needs to get their hair done “crown of the gueen” thats what it feels like to me =)

  • Madame J.

    I know what you mean! I'm offended when people ask me is that your real hair or did you add some in.. It's really none of their business..

    I wear my hair natural 80% of the time in different styles and people are always asking me “who did your hair? how long did it take? can i touch your hair (no you may not..lol)?

    I wear it wavy, curly, straight, afro, combo (lol), braided, twisted, no heat shirley temple curled, how ever I feel that day. Since my hair is natural, it looks shorter when it's not pressed so often times people ask me if I cut my hair when I wear my fro.

    One important bit of advice I got from my natural hair care specialist (when I was able to afford one – lol) was to make sure you run the comb completely through your hair from front to back – your hair will grow that way.. it worked for me, but only after i figured out how to do it without experiencing a lot of breakage! When she told me, I had a 2 inch afro. Now, my hair is past my collar bone..learning how to care for your texuture and being patient and gentle on your hair is the key, in my opinion..

    I just started experimenting with add in hair a few years ago and it's fun sometimes. Marquetta's site is a Godsend. (Thank you Marquetta). I have learned techniques from her videos that I use on my hair that keep people guessing and I love it!

    How ever you want to wear your hair, own your style and be you.

    Peace and Love

  • MochaMimosa

    I think It's so sad because African-American's get criticized more from our own race for wearing our natural(relaxer free) hair then any other race. It's just so sad. If I go outside with a afro or natural hairstyle black people will talk about how nappy my hair is, but people from different ethnicities would respect it. If Beyonce wore her hair in a natural hairstyle then everyone would want to jump on the bandwagon.

  • Marquetta Breslin

    Thank you SOO much for posting this! I believe it's importanto for us to realize that it's not only black women that are unhappy with their real hair for whatever reason. We all have our issues, that's what makes us human! Keep rockin' those braids!!

    Thanks again!

  • gmama2214

    I am currently wearing my natural hair and I Love it. I have also worn weave, wigs and braids, which I also Love. My favorite style is braids because I live a very active life and do not have time to give my hair the attention it would otherwise need.

    The only time I was ashamed (sort of) of my hair was when I colored it with a coloring comb and it turned out olive geen. Since I have been known to dance to a different drummer, I rocked the green hair for a week, wearing clothing that matched my hair. In the 70s I also wore a poka dot afro. (blond dot on my natural brown).

    We as women have it made. We can change our hair style with our moods. Whatever style or color we wear is up to the individual taste. I have always colored my hair with either streaks or all over color. I remember back in the day this female told me she did not like my hair, I was trying to look white because I had dyed my hair auburn. Hers was the only negative opinion I ever received about my hair.

    I would like to thank you, Marquetta, for your web site. I have learned quite a bit from you and the comments of others.

  • Shereta

    I just went natural about a year ago, and i'm scared to show my real hair because it's a afro and it really coarse, so I wear a Zury sew-in. how can I get It so that I can manage it? with out a relaxer. B the way your hair is beautiful>

  • terryndirangu

    Hi Terry,
    Thank you so much for your encouragement,
    And for taking your time to write to me.
    Its really amazing how God works.
    I would never have thought i will give out my most inner secret struggle and meet someone who can relate and shares the same name.
    May God bless you.
    I am truly grateful.
    Terry

  • edavis

    I too am a long-time weave wearer, but I also wear my hair out for a few weeks sometimes months at a time depending on how it looks, but I return to the weave because I don't like adding heat to my natural hair and its just easier for me to manage when I work out. Now that I'm older, I feel beautiful with my natural hair and my husband seems to prefer it natural and has never gave me compliments when I wore my weave until last week after 8 years! He actually told me ” baby, your weave looks good!” I think this is because he realized that I am confident with and without the weave and my beauty surpasses my hair as with us all.

    The more my confidence in self and my natural beauty was demonstrated with me wearing my hair, curly, with no heat or chemicals and holding my head up high with pride he knew it wasn't about what kind of hair I was rocking, but who was rocking it!

  • Denise

    I'm one of those people who believe do what comes to you as far as your hair is concerned. One thing that gets me about some of us as a people we act as if going “natural” is the only way to define who we are. Then there are those who believe that processing or weaving shows our intelligence. Here's the thing no one group is correct. That's it that's all there is to it.

    We act as if we are the only group that have this “dilemma” but we aren't. Growing up I've known people from different ethnic races such as the Jewish community and some eastern Europeans who's hair is just as diverse as ours and what they do to their hair doesn't define them either.

    Growing up my hair was relaxed. It was a G_D send because I was and still am VERY tender headed and to save myself and my mother grief it was best to relax it. My mother tried everything available but for me that was the best option. I still do to this day and my hair is not what would be considered “bad” but it's not what is considered “good” either.

    Just my humble opinion

  • abeauti41

    Hi Marquetta,
    Like you, I was wearing weaves and wigs for a long time because it helped me attain the styles I wanted. About 3 yrs ago, I had all the perm cut out of my hair and went natural. I've been wearing it that way ever since. I wore curly styles and ponytails for the longest. But as my hair grew, it was so thick, curly and unmanageable, that I went back to wearing the wigs and weaves. Well about a week ago, since the weather was cooling off, I decided to wear my hair out and I too did a text laxer and I LOVE my hair. It has grown so long, my texture is great, its healthy and my husband LOVES it! So now my only challenge is working out and maintaining my hair through the workout. When I work out, the first place I prespire is in my scalp! I'm trying to resist going back to the weave, but I don't know else what to do to avoid having to put heat on it daily. Any suggestions?

  • Meg

    I grew up loving my natural hair because it was really full and long but unfortunately made me cry when it was put in plaits. I had to put a perm in to wear it down when i was grown because it's soooo! kinky.
    I wear it now mostly in braids or weaves though i don't really like the latter that much.I remember cutting my hair short a couple of years ago and wearing it natural i got a lot of looks and some people even went ahead to ask me why i was wearing my hair natural and short, encouraging me to do something about it since according to them it didn't look good enough. i guess girls are made to feel that they look better with their hair in a perm, pressed or in a weave.The pressure is even more as Africans because we love our hair looking good whether in perms, braids or weaves.

  • Nappy and not happy

    I HAAAATE!!!!!!!! my hair. It's terrible all the way around. My hair can't or just won't hold a relaxer. The back of my hair hasn't grown out in years. It's extremely dry, stringy and fragile. I decided not to relax it anymore just because of the waste of time, money and energy it takes to maintain. My hair is hard to wet so when I wash it it takes a long time to thoroughly wet it through. For about 4-6 months I made my own wigs and I looked great. Now that I've moved to a place were there are no beauty supply stores (3% blacks in this huge area), I had to quit. My self esteem is severly shot. I am completely embarrassed but I can't really do anything about it. If I wear it down it looks a mess, if I wear up-I just don't wear it up. I mean seriously. To give you a mental picture of how bad it is, starting from the nap of my neck at the hairline to nearly an inch up imagine hair that's not even half an inch long. Then imagine it being nappy rolls. Imagine also having like 4-5 textures of hair. If it weren't so nappy I'd shave it off.

  • naturalwm

    Bent6000 I too am natural and I made the decision to go natural for many reasons I must admit that maintaining natural hair takes a lot of work and patience. I had to develop a relationship with my natural hair and it wasn't easy. I embrace the flexibility of wearing my natural hair either two strand, twistout, big beautiful bush ball, blown out, rollerset, ok I think you get the picture. I say to women wear whatever makes you feel good – weaves, braids, perm but NEVER be ashamed of your natural hair enjoy your wearing your own hair. Most importantly keep your own hair healthy!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erica-Williams/100000444520635 Erica Williams

    I understand where you are coming from. My natural hair is about the length of yours on this video. The problem I have is when I go to the gym. It's more of a problem to find ways to not damage it everyday. Also, what I like with weaves, I can change my hair style any time I want it. When I put in my weave, I sew it in. It takes me a little while, since I am new to doing it myself, but I know it will not fall out while I am sweating away in aerobics. I use to wear a lot of braids, micros and cornrows so my hair is very healthy. I put a perm in once or twice a year… After finding your website, I fould out how to take care of my cornrow and micros better. I keep leave-in conditioner and different oils in my head. Whenever I take my hair down, it is always very soft and beautiful. Once I learn how to tree braid, I will get the best of both worlds. Braided hair and cute styles… thank you Marquetta for always sharing your resources…

  • Bianca70

    Very Good video. Your hair is very pretty. I too have been wearing my natural (relaxed) hair for several weeks without a wig, or weave. I had it cut into a short hairstyle which i am pleased with. Its amazing how many compliments I have received with the short hair and not wearing a wig.

  • Name

    Hi, my name is Dewy. I am natural and I sometimes wear my hair. The majority of time I wear wigs, braids, ponytails, and sometime weaves. The reason is TIME,something I don't have a lot of. I like the different styles, Its quicker to get a nice hairstyle, and they hold up longer than going to the salon, and not to mention the prices of going to the salon every week or two, It drains my pocket book.
    My own hair is thick, about 51/2 “to 6″ long and I have a hard time trying to comb it as well. I do NOT want to put a relaxer in it because it is soooooooo much healthier without the chemicals. although Sometime I would love to have that straight,silky feel. You can see my delima, right?

  • Robin Boone

    I believe that there is no “good hair”/”bad hair”! No matter what you have, someone is always gonna find somehting that they don't like about their hair. We all have to learn to work with whatever we are given. There are so so many products and style techniques out there that anybody can achieve (mostly) whatever it is they are looking for.

  • celia509

    When I was growing up almost all of my hair experiences was negative on so many levels. I remember as a child my mother spending a long time trying to press my hair which was terrifying for me. Then number of time I was told how difficult my hair was to manage over and over again. Over a period of thetime the experience planted a seed of insecurity, self doubt, and admiring other girl who had easier to comb hair be excepted so openly. So when the lye relaxer came out I was about 14. I was so happy. It was painful but I hate to say this but the pain was worth it. Because after I had it done I for the first time felt like a princess with long thick straight hair. But at that time little did I know that once you straighten your hair you can go back to natural and I felt like a slave to long Saturdays at the salon spending money I could have use for something useful. Now I am 42 year old I have a 16 year old daughter. Me and my daughter has had our share of arguement about her hair Becuase I allow her to follow in my foot step with getting a relaxer from a professional salon and last year we both lost our hair. She lost more then I did. And I felt like I let her down some how. We both have part straight hair and natural trying to grow it out since last year without have to do the big chop. And its been a process I wore a wig and she express how she hate her natural hair and resent the fact I will not allow her to get another relaxer. But before the “Good Hair” I alway want to cut my hair and wear a little fro but I have to express that I was so afraid to even now because of the fear of how it might other treat me especially here in the south and working in a professional environment. My birthday is next month and i have been preparing myself and my mind that it does not matter what other think that if i want to do the Big Chop go head, your thick african nose is beautiful and strong jaw line. Plus I once and for all prove to my daughter that she should embrace who she really is. If she don't know once else will. But it is just not as easy as I thought. Society can be cruel sometime and I do not want to find out how cruel.

  • shantelbryant

    hi marquetta,
    I alot of times hate my hair cause it is so thick and box perms don't help my hair. it makes it worse. so I will either buy a wig or put my hair back into a pony tail and put a hat on. I don't like my natural hair cause it is hard to control.

← Older Comments